My Dancer Girl.

It was a perfect night at camp as I sat in the back watching the campers praying together, worshiping, and coming to know Jesus. The Holy Spirit was ever so present on this particular night, I remember sitting in the back and for the first time in a long time I cried, not tears of pain this time but tears of joy! My heart was so full that night, so filled with love and I couldn’t help but cry as I watched so many young people express their love for Jesus, it overwhelmed me. After a fantastic day I was set for a goodnights sleep, but before heading to bed I had a phone call I had to take.

It is amazing how one phone call; just one sentence can turn your life upside down. I remember getting on the phone with my very best friend Erin, and I remember her breaking the news to me about Kate’s death. On August 16^th, 2009 Kate Monture took her life. I remember hanging up the phone and as per usual I tried dealing with this on my own, I felt as though someone just hit me with a truck, I was a zombie, I had no words, I just walked... and eventually I broke, and in this moment I knew this was too big for me to deal with on my own. I kept thinking about her family, about Patricia finding her, about her brothers... their perfect little dancer girl, their peppy loving sweet girl was gone. Just like that. 

After such a tragedy you begin to have question after question, and you want answers, even though it is quite obvious you won’t get them, you look anyways. I remember searching all over her poetry blog, her facebook, and her notes for answers. Right there, on the screen in front of my face was brokenness, a sad girl who was crying out for help and no one noticed, because when you’re oblivious like me you think poetry is just poetry, it’s always deep and sad and well it can be pretty depressing. Why didn’t anyone see the signs? Kate was broken; she was crying out... she was screaming out!

Kate’s gone now and this whole thing is too big for me to handle, the only thing I can do now is miss her. This is in God’s hands, only He knows, I can only hope that something happened right in her last breaths... I can only hope. Someday I will know, maybe! For now I need to move on, I can’t dwell in this death forever, I can’t keep searching for answers that I probably won’t get. I need to let go. I love you Kate and I miss you every day, keep smiling and dancing.